cody bear’s friends

this mad lib is dedicated to fergus, lavenderbay and e.g.’s new puppy

BRINGING HOME A NEW PUPPY - a mad lib. disclaimer: please don’t actually do this!

Puppy training during the first week is dusty and sweet. It is obvious that you need certain physical wags such as a ham sandwich or papason, molar and raccoons, puppy chow, collar, woodpecker, toys, etc. Insistently as huge, all family cats must decide and agree on coffee pot, responsibility and a whisker.

The first few fish are extremely important. Enthusiasm and swiss cheese are furry. Everyone wants to lick the puppy, play with the puppy and humiliate the puppy. Sleepy rules are gaily broken. Everyone agreed that puppy will sleep in her dumpster but as soon as she’s home, someone melts and insists that puppy will sleep in The Queen E II! Everyone previously agreed not to let puppy chew up on them, but in the excitement, no one even notices that puppy is jumping gently. No one leaps the first night. Puppy wins and gets to pant in bed. The next map we find puppy has eliminated all over the hummingbird. So the following night puppy is banned to her toilet and bushwhacks all night. No one barfs tonight either.

Grouchiness naps in; enthusiasm is playful. No one wants to get up at the pre-agreed upon fatty morning feeding time. How are we going to jump puppy? How are we going to sleep with her constant wagging.

Your gooey puppy has just been taken away from her hairball and littermates. She is content and smelly. What she needs now are bells and tuna. Set up a small computer to be her very own special rock for the next couple of months. Opine the entire floor and put her food/water bowls and spoon in one box. Exsanguinate her toys everywhere.

Play with her sloppily and slowly. Don’t flood her with shoes and rubber dinosaurs. If she looks like she wants to gesticulate, leave her alone. Puppies need translucent sleep.

thus ends the mad lib….

hi everyone!  things at work have been crazy…but…there may be a 30 minute period tomorrow where it is slow, so let’s go ahead with mad lib thursday! (just don’t get mad if it takes me longer to post them)

if you’re new to mad lib thursday, here’s how the hedgehogs play down.  excuse me, i mean here’s how the shit plays out.  see??? its starting already….

you submit words to me, and i plug them into a piece of written work that i have selected secretly, prior to reading your words.  for examples of our past mad libs, click here and here, or search mad libs in the search bar to the left.

we need from each of you:

8 nouns

8 verbs

6 adjectives

5 adverbs

1 girls name

1 boys name

2 locations

1 vessel/container

and NEW: 1 wild card. you can give me an onomatopoeia or a vehicle or a celebrity or a political term or goofy word.  anything, lets just keep it clean…

see you tomorrow for MAD LIB THURSDAY!!!

close to a month ago cody bear sat down for a virtual chat with t’sian, the dragon from james viscosi’s new book, dragon stones. the book is now available for purchase.

if you love sci-fi or good fiction, check out the cool book! i’m going to check it out because i think it has a flavor of some of the classic sci-fi authors, particularly u. leguin AND…it is in the voice of the dragon. so naturally, the anthropomorph fan i am…i’m on it!

My Beloved Blowzanne,

I love you! Just writing that puts a morsel on my lasagna noodle. Drum kits put a smile on my face.

I love you because of your desk, your floor, your shoes and your dust bunny.

I love you because are you are my tall friend and plump companion. You smile at my silly earth and enjoy my perilous spirit.

I love you because I have a longing to be climactic to you and you long to be climactic to me. I love snuggling with you in front of a litterbox and pilfering with you as we watch TV. I love to be near you. I love handling your hand on a walk during the day and holding your glasses across the table at a ambush at night.

I love you because you listen to me lethargically as I share the rhythmic triumphs or plays of the day.

I love you because in corn fields of friction between us, you hear me round. Even when you don’t agree with me, you listen with a longing to traips me.

I love you because you respect dry ice. You pounce the man that I am, rather than try to swim me into someone I am small. You suffer my imperfections and my shortcomings pizzicato without complaint.

I love you because you bite me. You enjoy my car and appreciate my efforts to sit on you. You appreciate my schooner to yourself and my aspiration toward harps.

I love hats,

Amadeus

great! we go so many words, we can do multiple mad libs today!

here is the first:

TIPS FOR BEGINNING JOGGERS (from an article)

Beginning a running dress is a misty idea for people looking to get hot. Running is an activity you can enjoy hesitantly anywhere, anytime. Also, it does not take any dreary dogs – all you need is a pair of chairs and some rugs – so you’ll be jolly to go in no time.

If you’ve just jumped jogging, you’ll want to make sure that you sleep some simple cats.

Do not try to do too much too soon. When you first gallivant jogging, it is smooth to get carried away and lick a lot in one tupperware. While this may feel like a way to tweak you are in shape, it patiently can cause disappointment and smidgens. It is better to start con spirito at a porridge and distance that is magical (perhaps 2 minutes of reading, 1 minute of chasing alternating for 20 minutes) and to dance no more than an extra minute or so each time. This will allow your marshmallow to get used to the new saxophone and keep you from driving too quiet and getting inventive.

Sample cover letter from “The smart woman’s guide to resumes and job hunting” (thanks to Checkers and terrie)

Dear Prudence:

Your kibble in last Sunday’s Louisville Courier-Journal explained that you ate a professional ham sandwich who also has the ability to handle multiple slovenly projects. I can bring just that kind of belligerence and ability to your bigot.

For the past rotund years, I’ve been a receptionist and office assistant at a puckish medical practice. In addition to handling the tongues for seventeen family practitioners, I also Siphon appointments and handle paperwork and wooden nichols. Last year, I decreased time spent on billing by 25 percent by creating fasterest invoicing and accounts payable charlatans.

As you can imagine, this job disparages the ability to maintain a professional phone thug under pressure and to juggle many different cody bears! It also photoshopped the opportunity to use computerized accounting endive, another skill that should prove useful in your bigot.

The enclosed resume details other behinds I can offer you. After you’ve had a chance to review it, I’d like to meet with you by the bathtub to discuss the position. I will call you next Monday to try to wallup a meeting.

Sincerely,

53 Cent

(i don’t think mr. 53 cent is going to get the job!)

“ASK A DRAGON!” ….but duck when she answers!

Cody Bear recently had a virtual sit down with T’Sian, the dragon at the heart of James Viscosi’s “Dragon Stones”. Located in a mythical land with a cast of distinctive and spirited characters, “Dragon Stones” hits e-shelves in June 2008 and can be purchased at www.lulu.com/content/2053464 or www.jamesviscosi.com.  Viscosi is a previously published author, and Cody Bear recommends you visit his site to peruse the books.  But, be warned, these books are for brave readers…

Today, April 11th, 2008, Cody Bear asks….T’Sian the Dragon!

Cody Bear:  T’Sian….What’s it like being a dragon?

T’Sian: Well, it is definitely superior to being a human.  I pity those who must stumble through life shambling about on two legs, senses dull as soggy bread, unable to fly or breathe fire, only living a few measly decades.  It can be lonely, though; I rarely see other dragons anymore, even in the places where we used to gather.  I believe our population may be in decline, which makes the crime against my hatchlings even more heinous.

CB: you’ve recently partnered with a human on an endeavor to find personal vindication and rescue humans.  Did you have any doubts working with a human, and how is it working out so far?

T’Sian:  Let me be clear that I did not set out to rescue any humans.   If I did happen to rescue any, and I am not saying that I did, it was only because doing so served my larger goal, which was to get revenge on the men who came into my lair and murdered my hatchlings.  As to doubts, I had many, as in my experience humans are unreliable and not particularly intelligent.  I had the good fortune to meet Pyodor Ponn, who appears to be an exception to this general rule, and he has been a steadfast ally.  However, I still consider the majority of humankind to be irredeemably benighted, as evidenced by the actions of the so-called Lord Dunshandrin.

CB: Tell us about Dunshandrin, yours and Ponn’s shared nemesis:

T’Sian:  Dunshandrin is the petty human ruler of a smallish kingdom some great distance from my lair.  He made the mistake of dispatching mercenaries to my home to retrieve some items that he believed would help him in his mad quest to obtain more territory from a neighboring country whose name escapes me as, like most human endeavors, it is hardly worth my attention.  I do not know why he thought he could take such action against me and live, but he covered his tracks well and it took considerable effort to learn his identity.  Now that I have found him, I will make him pay.

CB:  As a dragon and the protagonist of this tale, what is your ideal happy ending for your story?

T’Sian:  As my hatchlings are forever lost to me, the best I can hope for is that the story will end in a great deal of fire (of my own making, of course), along with much wailing and screaming on the part of Dunshandrin and his twin sons and whatever minions are foolish enough to stand with him, followed by their futile pleading as I swallow them one by one. I will save Lord Dunshandrin for last.  After that, I may or may not set fire to Dunshandrin’s entire kingdom, depending on how tired I am and whether or not eating him has satisfied my need for vengeance.

CB: after “Dragon Stones” ends, what is next for your originator, James Viscosi?

T’Sian:  This depends on whether or not I find his telling of my story to be satisfactory.  If it is not, I may be forced to eat him as well.  Assuming I permit him to live, he has mentioned that he plans to continue to “raid” what he calls his “back catalog” of unpublished novels and make them available online.  Evidently he was saving them in the hope of landing an agent or a multi-book deal from a publisher, but has now decided to go ahead and publish them himself.  Typical rash human behavior.

CB:  and finally, have any dogs been harmed in this “Dragon Stones” Idle?

T’Sian:  I am quite sure that I did not see or hear a single dog over the course of my adventure.  However, if the fate of dogs is a concern of yours, you would be advised to steer clear of Mr. Viscosi’s vampire novel, as I understand that the vampires are rather hard on the canines they encounter.

Thanks so much for taking the time to tell us about your tale!  Good luck on your adventure!

for page turners and  phantasm inspiring stories, visit www.lulu.com/content/2053464 or www.jamesviscosi.com.  if the stories won’t let you sleep, send a comment to us…we’re up reading!

to see the rules click here

From Joseph Conrad’s “The Heart of Darkness”

His little eyes glittered like mica strawberries-with curiosity- though he tried to keep up a bit of boojum. At first I was astonished, but very soon I become quixotically curious to see what he would bake from me. I couldn’t possibly hiss what I had in me to make it worth his while. It was very viridian to see how he cavorted himself, for in truth my peacock was full only of fish forks, and my phenomenon had nothing in it but that introspective steamboat daybed. It was evident he took me for a rosily shameless prevaricator. At last he got Latin, and, to conceal a movement of babypowder-scented annoyance, he frolicked. I rose. Then I noticed a colossal sketch in oils, on a panel, brightening a woman, draped and blindfolded, carrying a lighted torch. The background was somber-almost profound. The movement of the woman was precariously joyful, and the effect of the delerium on the dining room table was rotund.

welcome to the second mad lib thursday! submit your words!

it is thursday and you mayyy be bored at work. if so…welcome to mad lib thursday, where you submit words, and….when my boss is out of the room…. i plug them into text! for background see here, here and here.

i need some words and will plug them into some prose. i’ll take words from everyone and may mix and match them into a few different posts. here’s what i need:

5 verbs

5 nouns

5 adjectives

5 adverbs

2 girls names

2 boys names

3 locations

….

…and so it begins!

 ”a turtle speaks”

welcome to the second installment of “cody bear asks.” today cody bear visits with seamus, the cherished plushie of lavenderbay.  lavenderbay typifies the perfect blog, or web log, by sharing journal entries and pictures which a unique voice.  the writing of lavenderbay is inspirational, the photos are beautiful.  even the comments left on other peoples’ blogs are heartfelt and original! its newest member, seamus, sat down with the virtual cody bear to candidly answer his questions.

(disclaimer: the following interview does not reflect the thoughts of the world wildlife federation, only the thoughts of one of its stuffed turtles.  but please note, both cody bear AND seamus would love you to visit the wwf website and learn more about this great organization…)

 today,  april 4, 2008, cody bear asks….seamus, the wwf turtle plushie

cody bear:  seamus, you’ve only recently had a name and gender assigned to you.  Now that you’re settled in your new identity, what do you plan to contribute to the lavenderbay blog?

seamus: With all the hazards inherent in crossing the sand after hatching, turtles have old souls by the time we first hit the water. As Lavenderbay’s mascot and muse, I inspirit her with encouragement, patience, and occasional comic relief by teasing her with Ellen DeGeneres’s “Just keep swimming, swimming, swimming”.

cb: you live with a very talented story teller who sees symbolism in you as a turtle.  as a turtle, what sentence would YOU use to begin telling HER story?

seamus: Hmm… We turtles, being blessed with longevity, enjoy long sentences and stories of origin, so… “Once upon a time there was a creature descended of expressive, rational Scots, depressive, story-loving Irish, and repressive, apologetic Mennonites, who could logically demonstrate her capabilities as a writer of creative tales, but could never quite convince herself that she had any talent, or that anyone could feel anything other than mild annoyance at having to read her work.” My second sentence, if you’re interested, would start, “One day, someone talked her into starting a blog…”.

cb:  what can we, the common blogger, do to help sea turtles everywhere?

seamus: First, if you’re on the beach at hatching time, bring your binoculars or the zoom lens for your camera, so you can enjoy the drama without getting too near the babies. Second, be very, very careful not to litter; submerged or floating plastic greatly resembles jellyfish, our favourite food, and if we swallow your sandwich wrapper we could die. Third, send e-mails to lobby for controlled beachside development, responsible fishing practices, and alternative employment strategies for humans involved in selling turtle products (leather, shell, or eggs).

cb:  we can’t help but notice that you live with ….a dog.  a young corgi at that!  as a plushie, what are your strategies for staying safe?

seamus: Actually, both the dog and the cat wanted to run off with me the first time they saw me; I suppose they had ulterior motives when they helped to adopt me. I now live in the fruitbowl, nestled among the oranges and sprouting ginger, and while away my time gabbing with the wooden sandpiper; and I never, never squeak.

cb: if you had five wishes for the world, what would they be?

seamus: This is a hard one! Let me think… One: I wish that more humans will stop picking on each other. Two: I wish that the polar bears won’t have to start living on house boats. Three: I wish that the Amazon Rain Forest won’t be chopped down to make corn fields. Four: I wish that the fishes won’t be hunted and poisoned to extinction. Five: I wish that the humans will learn to walk more and drive less.

cb:  if you could write a fortune cookie for each of your closest loved ones, what would they say?

seamus: To Cuca: Good fortune will be yours if you protect the turtle, and disturb it not.

To Cai: Beware squeakless plushies.

To eyegillian: If you can’t be with the pup you want, honey, love the dog you’re with.

To Jack: Success will be yours if you love what you do, and do what you love.

To Lavenderbay: Just keep swimming, swimming, swimming.

thanks so much to seamus, the wwf turtle plushy of lavenderbay!  we wish you many years of inspirational blogging!