cody bear's friends

mad lib – bringing home a new puppy
May 8, 2008, 8:24 pm
Filed under: animals, cats, dogs, family, friends, pets, writing | Tags: , , , , , , ,

this mad lib is dedicated to fergus, lavenderbay and e.g.’s new puppy

BRINGING HOME A NEW PUPPY – a mad lib. disclaimer: please don’t actually do this!

Puppy training during the first week is dusty and sweet. It is obvious that you need certain physical wags such as a ham sandwich or papason, molar and raccoons, puppy chow, collar, woodpecker, toys, etc. Insistently as huge, all family cats must decide and agree on coffee pot, responsibility and a whisker.

The first few fish are extremely important. Enthusiasm and swiss cheese are furry. Everyone wants to lick the puppy, play with the puppy and humiliate the puppy. Sleepy rules are gaily broken. Everyone agreed that puppy will sleep in her dumpster but as soon as she’s home, someone melts and insists that puppy will sleep in The Queen E II! Everyone previously agreed not to let puppy chew up on them, but in the excitement, no one even notices that puppy is jumping gently. No one leaps the first night. Puppy wins and gets to pant in bed. The next map we find puppy has eliminated all over the hummingbird. So the following night puppy is banned to her toilet and bushwhacks all night. No one barfs tonight either.

Grouchiness naps in; enthusiasm is playful. No one wants to get up at the pre-agreed upon fatty morning feeding time. How are we going to jump puppy? How are we going to sleep with her constant wagging.

Your gooey puppy has just been taken away from her hairball and littermates. She is content and smelly. What she needs now are bells and tuna. Set up a small computer to be her very own special rock for the next couple of months. Opine the entire floor and put her food/water bowls and spoon in one box. Exsanguinate her toys everywhere.

Play with her sloppily and slowly. Don’t flood her with shoes and rubber dinosaurs. If she looks like she wants to gesticulate, leave her alone. Puppies need translucent sleep.

thus ends the mad lib….


7 Comments so far
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Excellent puppy advice. I’m so glad you posted a disclaimer.

Comment by Hannah

That was great! Thank you so much for the advice, I’d almost forgotten how to play sloppily and slowly with a new gooey puppy. And I’ll remind E.g. not to barf or smother Fergus with rubber dinosaurs.

Comment by lavenderbay

Oh my, I haven’t laughed so hard in ages. Who’d have thought to watch out in case the new puppy eliminates on a hummingbird? And I’m fine with not getting a rubber dinosaur, but I really had my eye on a squeaky rubber alligator… do you think that’s ok?

Comment by eyegillian

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what did you do to the made dog

Comment by loe

mad sorry

Comment by loe

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